I want to cry I’m fucking hungry, dinner is ready and sitting there and it’s almost fucking 9pm and fuck fuck fuck fuck I need to eat and there’s no way known I can tell my host family I have a fucking eating disorder and that I need to fucking eat when I decide and when I don’t it fucking freaks me out, fucking example A right here. I’m so hungry and I alwasy freak out when I’m hungry. This is a really bad place for me to be. When I’m not in control of my food, oh my fuck I can’t handle. All I can right now is type through. Seriously I’m going fucking mental, all I can do is wait but fuck I hate eating dinner late! These people eat dinner so late!It’s so bad for you! I need to digest my food before I sleep! And I’m so tired, fuck this is bad combination. To make this worse, I have three packets of ferrero rochers in my room. I took them from the plane. And in Singapore I bought a massive bag of chocolates. But I was going to send them home to Australia.
Fuck I’m too scared to eat now because I want to enjoy it, but that’s so hard when I focused on the pains in my stomach. Oh my god I hope he doesn’t give me too much rice.
And now I just feel so angry with myself because I am another epitome of first world problems, another girl with daddy issues who cares too much about her looks while children in Africa are actually starving. I can take comfort in that I’ve met some of them, I suppose.
I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.
Sylvia Plath (The Bell Jar)
God this quote.
Don’t even care that Sylvia Plath’s become shorthand for, like, sad teen girl poseurs because guess what—that’s bullshit.
I hate how much I identify with her.
In light of recent events that have suddenly thrust me into a state of confusion and decisions to be made, I realize that I have always identified with this part of Plath.(via neverazero)
A few times within the last months I’ve had the opportunity to get my face painted.
In Cairns, we went to a nice family restaurant. I considered just getting something done on my hand, but thought against it.
Then at my school fair my class did a face painting booth, but it was too warm and sticky for paint, I decided.
So when a “friend” of mine was at a market asked if I wanted face paint, I figured it was to just bite the bullet, after rejecting my first few offers. So we have an okay, only semi-forced conversation, until she finished and charged me $3.
$3? I said. She said she had change if I needed it and once it had dried, it would last all day. Oh, thanks, I hope $3 paint is good quality enough to last through 4 hours of being a potwash. Well, $3 isn’t much, but it’s not worth the 3ml of paint that I accepted because I felt like being a Yes-man. If I’d known she was gonna charge me I’d have said no! I hadn’t wanted it, I just wanted to be friendly D: Hmm.
Mostly was annoyed because I felt used, but I’ve learnt my lesson. Be weary of people who tell you they make money by face painting at campy church markets.
I don’t even feel like eating
you are a human being
you are a human being
humans get hungry
humans get tired
humans have emotions
you are a human being and losing control is normal
just make sure that you don’t let that loss of control define you
because humans are strong
humans are built to survive
you are a human being
and you will make it through
You’re doing all you can. Give yourself a break.
No matter what I do there is nothing I can say to anyone that can make this go away! There is no medium that correctly exposes me!
I was hoping I just had to tell people I have feelings
but maybe I need to tell them where they came from too.
But who do I tell?
This world I’ve mine that I created is similar to my hell
- this inside home is a sanctuary and the windoes are boarded up -
- and when the sunshine is bright enoough it burns my eyes! -
When someone knocks on the door I hide.
When someone touches me I cry.
When I’m alone all the time
Even though I should have nothing to hide.
after the storm: Happiness is the best tool for weightloss. Where do you find it? You don't. Just eat healthy. Exercise, and not because...
Health is more than being skinny, or toned or whatever. Your mental health has a direct impact on your physical health, simply changing your thinking can make your whole body feel better.
And if you want to lose weight and diet because that’s what you believe you need to do to be happy, I think…