after the storm

Girl. 18. Australian Au Pair in Germany. I sing and play guitar. I take selflies. I like drawing, writing, cooking and other expressive things.

It’s been so crazy realising how much I hold onto what should be good and happy experiences.

Today, I realised how much I try to squeeze the joy out of food. 

For the past few months, I have eaten only a few times without feeling bloated. For the past few years, every time I’ve eaten has been with extreme intent, to always make the most of my food as if i’ll never have any again. Today was the first time i consciously tried to let go of that. It’s the beginning of something very freeing.

Why is being negative “cool”?

Most of the most popular text posts are people bagging themselves out.

They look like self-fufilling prophecies to me, now I’ve thought about it.

catharsisproductions:

Love these tips for an “emergency care wall.” What would be on your’s?

catharsisproductions:

Love these tips for an “emergency care wall.” What would be on your’s?

The term gap year is stupid. Where’s the gap? I suppose according to definition, intent and purpose I’m having a gap year but I plan on spending every year of my life like this, meaning I will do what I need to do which just happens to be what I want to do. OH MY GOD WHY DID I DRINK SO MUCH COFFEE I CAN’T SLEEP

To be my only source of influence…

… however to be open to all of what the world has to offer.

Be it food, opportunity, love, acceptance, praise, criticism, people. All of everything. To see it all in equal light.

And to take only what I need. 

It’s all lovely and everything to be body positive about everyone, but it’s not fixing the problem.

It reinforces what your body looks like MATTERs. But it doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter. We want everyone to love themselves so they feel better, have good self esteem and that shit. However instead of broadening the perception of beauty, I think it would be more efficient to focus on why our bodies need to be beautiful anyway. Shouldn’t it be possible to have good self esteem without a beautiful body?

It’s hard to listen to yourself and not follow the influences of our culture. Most of us have been doing it our whole lives. However, there are ways to undo it.

It’s impossible to ignore them unless you live under a rock. So don’t ignore them: be aware of them. Awareness is so powerful. 

I’m on a deep journey of learning to listen to myself: I treated my body and food the same way as many other things in my life, so getting to the root of my own issues has affected everything. Being aware has meant little effort to solve my issues, healing is constant. Our bodies and minds want to heal, whether it be from negative influences or eating disorders of any kind.